Will You Pinky-Swear on it, Mr. Ashcroft?

John Ashcroft, the former Attorney General and the poor fool who lost to Mel Carnahan's corpse here in Missouri, has written a book. (I know! I too was shocked that he could put together enough sentences.) The title of the book is "Never Again." Granted, the man is awful, but I still can't help feeling sorry for him for just really walking into that joke. Then again, perhaps he is finally doing something positive for us.

Do you promise, John? Could this possibly be the last that we will hear from you? Will you really never, never again make any decisions that will affect anymore than a dozen people? Because you owe us at least that much. Sure, you made us laugh with that great joke you told on NPR the other day. You know? - the one about how Bush has respected and done more for our personal freedoms during a time of war than ANY other president - ever. Yeah, that hearty guffaw you gave us was great, but if you keep this promise, you might actually go down in history as somewhat of a philanthropist (Whoops! Sorry, didn't mean to confuse you. That means a person who does good things for people just for the sake of doing good things.) It could be a good move for you - you know, once your singing career bottoms out, you'll have something to fall back on. Consider it, Ashy. For us?

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